Rosewulf's Datingish

Just spank me already

Thu, 28 May 2009 00:00:50 GMT

This is for all you nice guys out there. All you good guys, boys next door, friends who've become lovers and even the sensitive boys out there. Congratulations, you've got the girl, now proudly posture and beat your chest.

Alright, knock it off, you look ridiculous. So you got her, now how are you going to keep her? Do you even know how you got where you are? Shall I elaborate?

She's tried the bad boys, the one-nighters, the party boys, and the boy toys. Now she wants to slow it down, she wants to be validated as a human being with real depth of emotion and not as a party girl turned mattress-back. Her wild oats hold no glow anymore, she wants to be a flower. Just keep in mind while tending to your blossom that she still has thorns.

Sure she wants to cuddle but she doesn't want to be coddled. She may or may not be proud of her previous exploits so talking about what she likes and doesn't like sexually does present a challenge. So you are going to have to take the first steps here. Bend against the wind and hope she doesn't snap your stalk off. For some of you this means thinking far outside the box, digging deep and letting your inner freak fly a bit.

Now I said fly a bit, not fly off the handle! No 'it puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again' crap! We're talking walking that fine line between 'he's so caring and loving' and 'OMG! Did he just pull my hair and growl!' It's a swoon either way but the latter is guaranteed moaning material.

I'm not asking for an ass whooping, I want you to stake claim on top. I want you to pull me close in missionary and grab my hair and growl next to my ear. Release that primal urge to make me submit but don't kill me or yourself to do it.

Be a caveman - without the club.

So as a former party girl clinging to her thorns, please, PLEASE, please! Just go ahead and spank me already!

Help me understand

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:28:16 GMT

How far do you have to push someone before they push back? How strong can you be for a friend in need before your knees buckle? Are we really expected to continue to love and support you if you clearly do not feel the same way?

I have always believed that to help, love, and support those that need it is an act of caring that most of us need to maintain our humanity. That the act; both giving and receiving, is what keeps us all connected. I have never understood the desire some people have to destroy the relationships around them. To be so disrespectful of the people that love and care enough to ask about you, how much lower can you go?

I’ve been hearing for more than a few months that friendship is being there without an agenda. To listen and be present through all the good and bad going on in your life is a good friend. People have been telling me that I’m too nice and that I should have kicked my crappy friends to the curb years ago. I suppose I should have, but that doesn’t feel right. Somehow compromising my standards of friendship because someone else isn’t as considerate would only bring me lower. Why would I want that?

I also don’t understand the need to be so angry and destructive for the sake of it. Anger is a part of life, how you choose to express it is up to you. Be prepared to accept the responsibility and consequences of your actions. There is only so much hate you can spew at a person before even they believe what you’re saying.

Be clear in your desires and words. Are you trying to rid your life of all who once held you dear? For all the spite towards humans, you forget one thing – being human means we don’t have to suffer alone.

My two bits.

Love,

An article of interest, I'd thougt I'd share

Sun, 04 Jan 2009 20:23:35 GMT

5 Ways You Are Sabotaging Your Relationship

By Hannah Geller

Sometimes you know you're being ridiculous, but there are other times when you might not realize you are subconsciously torpedoing your relationship. Here, five ways we do damage and how to repair it.

1. BODY INSECURITIES

You know you have this problem if...
You cringe and cover up when your partner sees you naked.
Compliments make you nervous and defensive.
Thinking about his positive attributes makes you wonder what he's doing with you.

Why is it a problem?
When we are ashamed of our bodies, we "withdraw sexually" and have trouble "being playful and free," says relationship expert Dr. Alice Pisciotto. Many people resort to substances to deal with their insecurities (for example, drinking in order to have sex), which can ruin a sense of closeness.

How to fix it:
The first step is awareness: realizing, for example, that when he says, "you look beautiful in that dress" and you hear, "go to the gym," it's not because he's being sarcastic, but because you feel ashamed of your body. The second step is to learn to talk about it in an open, honest way. Explain your insecurities to him, why you think you have them, and how they make you feel. Then, pledge to yourself to throw the symptoms of insecurity out the window. Once you stop calling yourself fat, for example, you may stop feeling so fat.

2. BAD TIMING

You know you have this problem if... You bring up sore points — issues you argue about often or recently — at romantic dinners, family functions, or company events. Or, worse yet, you bombard him with accusations the second you're alone.

Why is it a problem?
"This really drives guys crazy," says Pisciotto. Everyone knows that communication is important to a good relationship, but knowing when and where to communicate can be just as important. Bringing up a problem at an inappropriate time or place will almost never solve it, and will become a problem in its own right. And he'll be reluctant to bring you along to his cousin's wedding if he's worried you'll be shooting him dirty looks all night.

How to fix it:
If you want to talk about a problem, give some forewarning, says Pisciotto. "X is really bothering me. Can we talk about it tonight?" Have a safe, private place where you can talk without feeling uncomfortable. And if you really want to resolve the issues, make sure you are talking in person and never by text message or e-mail.

3. SNAPPING

You know you have this problem if...
Your partner complains you're always blowing up at him — whether he forgot to pick up the dry-cleaning or threw out the manuscript for the novel you've secretly been working on.

Why is it a problem?
You may be using these explosions as a substitute for intimacy, says Pisciotto. "If you say, 'I love you,' who knows how he's going to react?" You may get a grunt, you may get a kiss, you may get some bad news. "But if you scream at him, you know he's going to scream back." Excessive anger may be a sign that you're insecure about his feelings for you. Snapping at him allows you to control his behavior because his response — anger — is predictable. But if he feels like he's always about to step on a land mine, you may be doing the very opposite: driving him away.

How to fix it:
"This is really an issue of self-awareness," says Pisciotto. The next time you feel mad at him, ask yourself if your anger is proportionate to the offense. If not, think about why you feel so furious: Are you mad about something else that you haven't talked about sufficiently? Does his anger reassure you of his feelings (i.e., "if he's screaming at the top of his lungs, he must be passionate about me")? Are you insecure about his feelings because of something he has done, or because of something unrelated that happened to you in the past? Instead of blowing up at him, try to calmly and insightfully tell him why you are feeling so enraged. Use "I" sentences instead of "you" sentences: "I felt angry when you didn't call, because it made me feel like you don't care about me," rather than, "You didn't call me! You don't care about me!"

4. KEEPING SCORE

You know you have this problem if...
You're keeping a tally of the gives and the takes.
You say things like, "Yes, we hung out with my friends tonight but I hung out with his friends for the last five days."

Why is it a problem?
"Keeping score is usually a sign you don't feel understood, that you don't feel heard," explains Pisciotto. You feel that your partner doesn't realize or appreciate the contributions and sacrifices you make for the relationship. "This becomes the 'yes, but' of the relationship," says Dr. Pisciotto. "Yes, you took me out to dinner tonight, but I paid the last six nights. Yes, you initiated sex tonight, but I always initiate. Yes, you care about me, but I care about you more."

How to fix it:
When you catch yourself thinking or saying, "Yes, but..." step back and ask yourself why. Is this an isolated incident: Are you really the one who always does the dishes, and you just want him to help out more with household chores? Or is it part of a bigger problem: Do you feel like you always make more sacrifices for the relationship, and the dishes are just one example of many? Keeping score provides you with ammo to win the argument "Who's the better partner." It's childish behavior that you should do your best to minimize. Be hyper-vigilant when your thoughts slip into the "Yes, but..." pattern. Remind yourself that although you may give more in this particular area — you always pay for dinner out — he may give more in another, like always buying the groceries.

5. LETTING THE PAST DICTATE THE PRESENT

You know you have this problem if...
You blame your current boyfriend for problems you had in your last relationship: Your ex had an affair with his personal trainer, so you tell your new boyfriend you like the "chubby look" to keep him out of the gym.

Why is it a problem?
It's a basic truth of psychology that "we often repeat problems in order to solve them," says Pisciotto. For example, when you're suspicious that your new boyfriend is going to cheat on you, like your ex did, your subconscious is trying to come to terms with the old problem. The effect will hardly be productive: You're likely to create some new issues with your current boyfriend without solving the issues from your past.

How to fix it:
Take a moment to ask yourself: Are there any issues or arguments you had with a former boyfriend that still bother you? If so, write them down and be on the lookout. The next time you're angry with your current boyfriend for something similar, ask yourself whether or not he deserves it. If not, Pisciotto recommends telling him about your ex and asking him about his. But be clear that you're talking about your old flame solely for the purpose of improving your current relationship. Your new guy doesn't want to hear about how your ex just got a promotion, what a great cook he was, or how amazing he was in bed.

Link

Whispered Memories

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 21:39:05 GMT

I often miss the fire of lust. The baited breath, grasping hands, sweat, and the heated silence. Even now I can almost feel the lingering ache of a pair of hands caressing my skin in pursuit of my ragged breaths. My body remembers even though I can no longer indulge it.

There hasn't been a reason for baited breath for some time now. I'm a pretty willing partner but when my partner isn't enjoying themselves, how am I to do the same? Don't I deserve the tingle of passion curving around my lower back?

Goosebumps? Flushed skin? That warm glow that leaves you writhing on the bedsheets like a thoroughbred in a summer field? Can't I have that again?

Receptacle

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:59:43 GMT

I am not a receptacle for sex. When did you lose all emotion for intimacy? Have you given up on any possible show of passion with me? Once there was a time when we started in missionary; laughin, talking, being silly amid kisses and hugs.

Where did it go? I hug you to my breast and feel the ache, not because I’m holiding you tightly but because you cringed just a little.

When I want sex, I’m too needy. I seem to be asking for some unreasonable demand. When you want sex, yes, I capitulate. Like a severely dehydrated desert I accept what rain may come. (Hmm, that pun may have been intended but I’m not sure.) Yet lately it is so cold, so patterned I can gain no joy or spark of pleasure from it.
We no longer look into eachothers eyes. What would have been a fun finishing move is now the standard start and finish. I am merely a routine.

~sigh~

Sit down, dear, we have to talk.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 14:13:32 GMT

I believe that we have convinced ourselves to be dependent on the validation of others. We can't/won't/don't believe in our own self-worth unless someone says they see it and believe it too. You can be the most confident person in the world with a clear vision of where you are going in life and how to get there, but put a few people in the room who do nothing but see the negative choices/ideas/outcomes and even that person will buckle.

Ideally, we are designed to learn from our mistakes and to keep moving forward with our lives. We identify the parts of our lives that damage us or slow us down and, when balanced against what we want, often cut it out of our lives. It is a survival mechanism.

So explain to me, dear reader, how a perfectly intelligent being with this ability to overcome great obstacles, does not move on with their lives? What if their survival mechanism is firing but for some reason the recoil only puts them right back where they started from?

I have two friends who once dated one another. The relationship was purely physical and filled a void they both had at the time. The relationship ended fairly amicably. She recoiled to her ex, believeing there was no other option opened to her at the time. Time and a well-used firing mechanism finally work for her and she is back on track to being a strong, independent single mom.

My other friend wasn't so lucky. He moved on to a series of women that could only be categorized as bad judgments at best. One of these women keeps resurfacing in his life, in effect destroying it every time. He's lost jobs, homes, and friends because of this woman and stll he goes back to her. She's had him arrested, banned from hotels for disturbances, and yet he still goes back to her. He can't tell you why, he can barely stand her, they argue all the time, but for some reason he just can't let go.

In my book, this clearly qualifies him as a sucker. I can't think of any other reason/words to describe this situation. I have determined that I can no longer be a friend to him because he is not even willing to try to free himself from this destructive relationship. He knows it is bad and that nothing good will come of being with this woman but he won't leave her, so I have taken my leave of our friendship because I refuse to be present during his slow suicide. I can't do it anymore.

I guess that makes me a bad friend or something. I still feel bad but I'm not going to change anything, he has to be the one to set himself free. This whole thing just makes me sad.

How Could I?

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 23:21:18 GMT

I know what type of man that I want to date. I know what personality traits I find attractice, and yet somehow I’ve managed to fall in love with the one man who matches neither. Don’t get me wrong, the guy I’ve got is a great guy. He’s just not MY great guy.

He’s not abusive or intentionally hurtful. He’s not tragically damaged or requiring medication. He’s smart and funny. He just doesn’t love me. It is really that simple.

So why did I marry him? Because I am flawed. He was what I wanted and Rose always gets what she wants. He was a nice enough guy for me to be with, safe, sweet, there are worse ones out there, I know. I just hadn’t planned on the Fates slapping my ass with a reality check.

You can’t presume to take over someone’s free will and basic freedoms and not expect some serious karmic repercussions. It has taken me nearly 8 years to realize that I made a slave out of an amazing person and then had the indignanty to get offended when he states he’s unhappy with me. How could I?

Honesty Filter

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:13:39 GMT

Most long term relationships (I'm talking 10 or more years) will tell you, when asked, that honesty has kept them strong. This seems to present the idea that secrets and privacy are evil fiends that destroy otherwise healthy relationships. After all we spend an immense amount of time, energy nd money breaking down our potential significant other's barriers, walls and layers. Getting to know someone isn't about really absorbing the information but picking up enough highlights to get us to the next layer. The need to be 'open and honest' propelling us forward but without any regard of when to stop. This can only lead to the tragic loss of our honesty filters.

Now, I'm not talking in a good way; like knowing your significant other's favorite color, food, holiday, show, or music. I'm talking the overly personal way like bowel movement status, random thought discussions that go on for hours because it was immediately on your mind, burping and farting as if digestion is now a public event. You only perfunctorily say 'excuse me' (either before or after) and apologize if it is 'armed'. You laugh at the torment of the other but never stop to think of having gone to the bathroom for that, or at least left the room. There are comedians who point out the humor in our lack of couth, but we've been together for 'ages' so it's okay.

I am now faced with the ending of my 10 year marriage, I think I have a problem. I've been so honest these past 8 years (give or take a year for that 'newlwed' stage) that I'm not entirely sure that I can last more than 5 minutes in a 'normal' conversation let along a date situation without talking about my health in excruciating detail, my kid, my previous relationships (as if recalling traffic accidents for some) or anything else one would normally hold back on until you are into month-long relationship territory. Yeah, I'm potentially screwed...and not in the good way.

So what's a woman to do when her honesty filter seems to be broken?

What is wrong with you?

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 16:14:15 GMT

Hi! Welcome to my site. I appreciate you stopping by. I'm working some things out in my life right now, regarding my current relationship and where I want to go in life. I decided this was a good place to do it. I've noticed that some of my posts have caught your attention, quite a bit of attention actually. One of my posts generated over 150 views. Wow. I didn't realize that many people were that interested in what I had to say. I have a problem that maybe you could help me with. You see, I see all those views and not a damn one of you said a single thing. No, I correct myself...two people responded. Thanks go out to the people who bothered to respond in some way. So, what gives with the rest of you folks?

This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you...maybe.

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 14:26:45 GMT

So many people don't realize what they want in life, they never actually think about it. I know I never did. Being a rather social creature; I just moved seamlessly from one crowd, party, situation, friend, lover, what have you. I probably would have kept right on doing that had I not been snagged up a bit. Yeah, that's a great thought, huh?

'Sorry, dear, didn't mean to refer to you as a speed bump in my life.'

When you re-evaluate the things you've done to help determine who you are and where you want to be, sometimes you don't like the things you have to say or do to keep moving. Yet it's necessary.

Right?